Answers to Google Searches

Many people land here due to a search engine.  I assume most of them are looking for photos or music to download.  I always feel bad when I see that someone searched “Alice Cooper,” for example.  Sorry, buddy – there’s nothing here but a bunch of words.

But occasionally I get traffic based on very specific search terms.  I’d like to take a moment to help these folks out in case they’re still looking for answers, so in no particular order here we go:

“Satan David Crosby” :  Many assume that the Prince of Darkness is James Bond suave with his Van Dyke and his pitchfork, but no.  I would like to take this moment to confirm that El Diablo has a walrus moustache and a pot belly and volunteers his demonic seed to lesbian couples.  You’ve now read it on the Internet, so it must be true.

“Captain and Tennille Divorce”:  The coke and the hookers and the physical abuse finally got to be too much.  Daryl Dragon just couldn’t take it anymore.  (Update, 5/28/11: What started with a snarky comment about a random Google hit has turned into a flood of Google hits.   People are genuinely interested in this topic.  My understanding is that the couple is still very much intact.  If I can get conclusive info for you folks I’ll post it, and my apologies for greeting your sincere queries with a juvenile response.)

“Glee Tom Waits” :  Spoiler Alert!

Rubber Soul Don’t Make It Bad”:      Unless it’s being performed in its entirety by the remaining members of Kajagoogoo.

Hippys in a Bathtub”:  What is rarer than a unicorn, Alex?

‘”Rick Dees father”:  See ‘Satan David Crosby.’

“Was Elvis Presley a Hippie?”  A remarkably common question, and a surprising one.  Elvis was born in Tupelo, Mississippi in 1935 into a devoutly religious family.  Of course he was a hippie.

Karmann Ghia Henry Rollins”: Mark your calendars:  In October 2011 Volkswagen is bringing back the Karmann Ghia, and in celebration of the occasion they are offering a limited edition Henry Rollins edition.  It’s like the regular Karmann Ghia, but it makes fun of whatever music you play.

Henry Rollins Slacks”:   The man is a cross-merchandising machine.  Also available in the Fall from Sans-A-Belt.

Ted Nugent Childhood Photos”:  Sorry, but The Nuge was born into a pack of rabid wolverines.  They had an Instamatic camera but no flash cubes, and the daylight photos were all obscured by the photographer’s errant paw.

Blondie Guitarist Electocuted”:  I’m surprised this hasn’t been a bigger story.  In an effort to revive his career, in 1992 guitarist Chris Stein had his hands electrically fused to his cheeks in that precious Macauley Culkin “Home Alone” pose.

What Captain and Tennille Wore”:  Each other’s underwear.  But I don’t judge.

“Ann Wilson Asshole”:  I had a hard time with this one – it really bothered me.  Is Ann Wilson an alien?   Finally I  contacted her management, and much to my (and her) relief, can confirm that Ann Wilson does indeed have an asshole.

Loggins and Messina are Heavy”:    Nice try.  I happen to have my own copy of “Introduction to Comparative Weights and Measures.”  Find your own answer to question 13 on p. 58, kids.  Cheaters never prosper.

Gene Simmons Sighning Ladys Boobs”:   A snarky comment here would be gilding the lily.

“Henry Rollins Narcissistic”:  I have to disagree with you there, Mr. Henky Robbins of Los Angeles.

King Crimson Masculine”:   Will it make you feel better if I say yes?

I hope that this has been of some assistance, and happy Googling.

6 thoughts on “Answers to Google Searches

  1. I WILL kill you both, you know. Kill you dead. Both of you. Once I recover.

    Tomas is threatening that he knows even more, and that I shall never recover my equilibrium enough to kill you both.

    See, I did not have a T.V. in the ’80′s. Missed the whole MTV thing. Tomas just informed me that you two did not, and are still standing, and I do not have a chance in hell.

  2. Pingback: More Answers To Google Searches « Why It Matters

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